I recently spoke with a couple seeking tips on enhancing their communication. One partner had been farming for years, while the other, after a long career as a physiotherapist, was finally transitioning to working alongside their partner on the farm – a lifelong dream. 

The question I was asked was, “How can I improve my communication with my partner while we work together? I have been told I can be a bit abrupt.” 

Does this sound familiar? 

Communication has two sides. One person is expressing themselves while the other person is interpreting what is being conveyed. How we interpret messages is often influenced by our past experiences. 

For instance, I grew up craving positive feedback. I strived to get high marks in school and felt disappointed and disheartened when I didn’t achieve them. For me, hearing I was doing something well boosted my confidence, while negative feedback felt like criticism. I often took things personally and interpreted feedback or even help as a form of criticism. 

In the case of this farming couple, one partner had established particular ways of doing things after years of working solo and assumed their partner would seamlessly follow their lead in the new environment. However, the transitioning partner, used to having autonomy and the ability to initiate change in their previous role, now felt inadequate when being constantly corrected. 

A specific topic of conversation was how to communicate effectively during disagreements… Once a disagreement arises, it’s often too late to change the tone. Awareness is key, but real change requires ongoing communication outside of stressful moments. 

It is important to schedule quality time together as a couple. Relax, be kind to each other, and while you are feeling close, talk about the vision for the business. 

In this particular scenario, the partner who was transitioning to farm work wanted to understand their tasks within the context of the bigger picture and didn’t want to just be told what to do. Instead, they wanted to understand why they were doing a task, and why it was best to complete it in that particular way. They also wanted to be allowed to have input into improving the systems and to be able to openly share ideas with their fresh eyes. 

Successful businesses don’t just have systems in place but are constantly reviewing and refining them. Your greatest assets can be your team members who bring different experiences to you and new ideas to the table. 

Here are some tips for improving your communication with your spouse while working together: 

1. Get clear on your individual goals and share them openly. 
2. Clarify your shared vision for your life and your business. 
3. Each write a list of jobs that you love doing, and a list of tasks you want to ‘stop doing’ (even if you can't stop doing them yet). 
4. Set aside “date nights” and share your ideas for the business when you are feeling connected to each other and optimistic about the future of the business (rather than in the heat of the moment in the yard). 
5. Create clear systems for the operational tasks and continuously update them as team members discover ways to improve efficiency. 
6. Ask each other how you feel when communication breaks down and agree on a new way of approaching feedback that works for both parties. 
7. Plan your days before they start so that everyone is clear on what, why, and how they are performing their tasks for the day. 

And remember why you married them in the first place! 😉 

I would love to hear your feedback – do you have any tips for ensuring effective communication between couples working together? 

Tracy Secombe and the Farm Owners Academy Team