Understanding resilience can be a game-changer in the farming world, where challenges are part of daily life.  
 
In Profitable Farmer Episode 105: Resilience in Family Relationships Farm Owners Academy Director, Tracy Secombe, delves into the essence of resilience and how it impacts our farming lives both personally and professionally. 
 
On resilience, Tracy shares that some people are naturally resilient, whereas others need to learn resilience. Her definition of resilience is: staying steady when things get rocky. 
 
She shares a helpful analogy that those who are resilient are like Ocean Liners steady in the water and unshaken by rough seas, while those who aren’t as naturally resilient may feel like a dinghy being thrown around in the swell.  
 
Reflecting on her own journey, Tracy says that her husband Damien has always been an Ocean Liner, whereas she used to be a dinghy but has had to learn resilience and grow to change her conditioning as a people pleaser and perfectionist.  
 
Her self-worth used to be attached to: things going well, her doing a good job, people being pleased with her, and people recognising she was doing a good job while using other people’s emotions as an indicator that she was doing things right. Tracy had all of these conditions attached to what made her feel good and it was proportional to her sense of self - that was dependent on circumstances.  
 
Tracy says we can all improve and become less conditional and reactive to circumstances.  
 
Here are 10 key lessons on resilience: 
 

1. In any moment your reality is your perception of what’s going on. Your perception of a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ situation affects your resilience. There is no such thing as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ – it’s all a factor of perception. Perception is key. 
   
   
2. The first step in building resilience is always to tune in and notice how you feel in your body. Building resilience is building the ability to become quickly aware of your feelings or emotions shifting and doing something about it. Feelings matter. 
   
   
3. Once you know how you feel, ask yourself: what am I thinking about this situation that is causing me to feel this way? Examine your thoughts. 
   
   
4. You are here for growth and expansion and everything is FOR you, not happening TO you. What precedes the next wonderful thing is something that feels tough. In life, when experiences don’t go the way you think they will, try saying, “This is FOR me, I’m excited to see what comes out of this.” View tough situations as opportunities for growth. Challenges are stepping stones to progress. Embrace growth through challenges. 
   
   
5. When faced with a challenge, the only way to let the inspiration of the solution come to you is to relax. Our primal response is fight or flight but the most productive thing you can do is stay calm and relaxed. 
   
   
6. We are highly influenced by our families and can regress back into a familiar child/adult dynamic when in a family (and family business) environment. This is particularly the case if we’re more of a dinghy than an Ocean Liner. Tracy suggests loving and wanting what’s best for family members as friends, rather than thinking of them as parents/children/siblings, etc. Her definition of love is: to accept someone fully as they are and to want what’s best for them. 
   
   
7. Let go of unreasonable expectations and judgement of others. You can’t control another person, nor can anyone “make” you do or say anything. All you can do is control yourself and focus on the question: who do I want to be? 
   
   
8. We don’t have to agree to be aligned. Love and accept people for having a different view. Allow parents and children to do what they want and find their own way, changing when they’re ready to change. Focus on what you’re ready for and what you want, because, you create your own reality. Acceptance over agreement. 
   
   
9. In relation to the energy we bring to a situation, there are 2 things we can control. First, our intention behind the message we’re imparting, and second, our delivery. Tracy says when we’re worried about what other people think, it doesn’t allow us to be ourselves, so share what’s true for you, rather than trying to convince someone else to agree with you. Control your energy. 
   
   
10. Get clarity on values - When family relationships are not where you want them to be, get clarity on what’s important to you first. Open up your journal and write down for yourself what your values, dreams, aspirations and goals are. If you want to, you can then get in a relaxed state to share how you honestly feel with other family members. 

 
Tracy’s advice to her younger self? “Don’t worry, it’s all going to be okay. You don’t have to try so hard; you’re doing a good job. Enjoy the process and keep smiling.” 
 
Catch the full episode here: Listen to Episode 105. And don’t miss the related article written by Tracy, which is contained within the episode show notes — an insightful read that complements the podcast. 
 
What’s your favourite gold nugget of wisdom?  
 
P.S. If you want to create a highly profitable farm that works without you, we warmly invite you to join us for an exclusive preview of the Platinum Mastermind program to discover how you can transform your business and life to ensure enhanced profitability, more control and create the freedom you’ve always wanted. Click to find out more or secure your seat today!